Meeting new people is often scary especially if you are new to the dating scene. It’s even worse when you’re on a first date (presuming you’re a guy) and the person seems really ‘nice’, but you never see ‘see them’.
Or they’re not exactly what you ‘see’ in your eyes either. Then you say: “Well this is the first time I’ve met anyone like you”. And then you feel embarrassed because they didn’t do the whole ‘nice’ thing you wanted them to do.
How to make the first step
People are often suddenly feeling like ‘this is a creepy person’ and putting up a defensive wall. It happens a lot in our twenties, and often amongst people in our early 30 for the first time they experience it. It’s a period where most people have settled, had their kids, done their thing, and sometimes you look up, and there’s nothing. You try and contact someone and it’s like writing a message on a wall without saying a word.
The wall that rises after years of silence, yet ugly at the same time, is a sure sign that you’re meant to be. If you would have said it, you would have made a connection. It’s hard to get that ‘essence’ of someone because you either wouldn’t have had the chance or, it wouldn’t have felt right/ disrespectful. That’s the absolute worst and most disappointing part of dating.
The best part of dating though, or any experience that leads to more familiar feelings and meaningful connections, is that the other person IS willing to be open, and it means something to them and it is something they want to experience. It’s a wonderful feeling to know someone is feeling ‘open’ to you. It means they have experiences they would love to share and that they feel good just by being around you. When someone is open, it inspires comfort, safety, and creates a springboard to a conversation with a part of their soul.
Now, aside from the implications for you, if you apply this principle to your partner, you may feel like ‘they’ are willing to be open. That’s not always the case. There are zillions of people in the world. The problem with the whole idea of connecting with another human being is that it’s not the same as talking to a stranger. Talking to a stranger, on a carefree basis is a different thing. When you are first getting to know someone, there is a lot of reassuring to do. Especially when you don’t know them too well. When you are a couple, however, there is a lot of it. Also, I’d say there is a lot of ego-ideology involved in some relationships, where someone has been hurt or, they just want to be left alone. It’s unethical to do this and personally be okay with it. In some relationships, there is no clear line between affection and love and friendship, and class.
There are however a thousand and one ways in which you can build trust, and cultivate intimacy, and cultivate a relationship with that person. That’s the beauty of relationships.
Without relationships, we would all be lonely
Somewhat or fully, and it would not be fun. But people’s relationships are what life is all about and part of what gives variety to our lives. Our partner is not just another person. They have feelings, desires, a mind, and an opinion, a business agenda, a personal problem, a struggle, dreams, hopes, and occasionally sadness.
Not to put all of it behind them, but for whatever reason, it’s that pressure to be close that we all have. The fact that you are even considering them as an option as to where you go, vacation, where you will go, who you will have a relationship with, what you will do with your life, and the stories that you will tell.
Not to suffocate them, but that’s a pressure that no one can live with. Truly special people have either no pressures, or they have very low pressures. They either need nothing, or they need everything of themselves, or they have everything both of them.
So when you do find yourself in a relationship, or when you are looking at walking into a relationship, try thinking about one simple thing. “Is this relationship worth it?”
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